I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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