Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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