his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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