shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
