I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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