I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
