I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
