Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
