Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
