your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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