I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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