Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
