Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize