ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Randomize
