After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
someone owes me an orgasm
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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