Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Are my feet made of real feet?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
