Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
