ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
You smell like stripper and shame
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
