I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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