Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
