you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
