my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
