I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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