is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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