hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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