is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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