Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
