conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
