thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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