Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
