Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
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