Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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