he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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