yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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