1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
