How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
