Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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