I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
