someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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