Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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