so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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