that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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