After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
