Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
