oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
