Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He shit in the fireplace
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
