i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
