i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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