Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Randomize
