i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I love how my cats smell like pot.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
