Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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