Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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