Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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