Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
