Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
