What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
