well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
