I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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