he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
