Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
