My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
