What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
