imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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