ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
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