she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
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