I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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