My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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