I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
