In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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