you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Found the puke drawer
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
