bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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