and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
