I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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