he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
