Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize