No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
They have beer where we have blood.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
