i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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